Saturday 1 March 2014

It Happens To The Best Of Us

"23 year old female, ? drink spiked, vomiting"

It was ridiculous-o-clock in the morning and most of the night's revellers were either a) tucked up in bed b) tucked up in a hospital bed or c) lying in a pile of vomit in a park waiting patiently for a good samaritan to call 999. As far as night shifts go, it had been particularly torrid. Alcohol and drugs had been the stars of the show, with the police and the ambulance service run ragged all night long! Some of my highlights of the proceedings included being spat at and threatened by a crack head, having someones dog 'set on me' (the dog couldn't be arsed) and watching a great episode of domino vomiting (one goes, they all go) outside a club. Oh, spending an hour trying to convince a man in only Thundercat boxer shorts, that lying in the road with his hands in his pants wasn't conducive to good public relations and future job prospects was also one for the out-takes reel. 

It was about 04:30, I was resembling a wild banshee and looking rather dishevelled! My hair really was a thing to marvel at! Being sent to a vomiting drunk person with delusions of drink spiking hardly filled me with warmth, I must say. I was wildly confident that the only thing her drink had been spiked with was alcohol. We headed on up to the 'top floor' flat as instructed. We were met half way up my a drunk, scantily clad girl who was walking like a new-born giraffe. Funny it was, graceful it wasn't. We followed her, and the noise of crying / wrenching into a bedroom. 

There, lying sprawled on the bed, wearing a t-shirt a thong was our patient. Her head was hanging over the edge of the bed and she was indeed vomiting. Her makeup had run somewhat and her hair was....well, matted in vomit. She looked a treat! She was also crying. Stood in the corner of the room as a sheepish looking boyfriend, who wasn't drunk and seemed rather annoyed by the whole situation. 

"Hello my dear, good night was it?!"

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I can't stop being sick!" she slurred at me.

Between her and her friend they went on to explain that she hadn't drunk any more than she normally would and drunk the same amount as her friends. They just didn't understand why she was so drunk! Must be a spiked drink eh?! Not the lack of food all day and tiredness combined with any number of other things. Oh, and all the Jaegerbombs. And wine. And other spirits. Definitely, without doubt, a spiked drink! Hmmmmm!

Her boyfriend just rolled his eyes! He looked particularly unimpressed by the whole situation. I made a few jokes about the situation and he chuckled. It was then I noticed his shirt. It was white, with flaps on the shoulders for epaulettes and a velcro patch on the chest. 

"Is that a police shirt?!"

"Yep! I'm a cop, I'm on early turn, start at 7am, then get a call from this muppet!"

"Sleep's overrated anyway buddy!"

The patient started wailing / crying again! She was apologising profusely and stating how ill and drunk she was!

"What do you do for a living?!"

A sorry pout and half grin appeared on her face.

"I'm also in the police! I'm so embarrassed!"

I just laughed, and laughed hard! She started laughing, and her boyfriend was now seeing the funny side of it! 

"And what do you do?!" I said to the friend.

"And what do you do OFFICER!" she said bursting out in laughter!

As far as I was concerned, all her sins were forgiven! Sure, it's favouritism and yes, I have bitched and moaned about drunk people calling ambulances because they are drunk and YES, they should have known better. But, the thin blue line is spread so thin and they do such a great job day in, day out that getting smashed on a Friday night was probably just what the doctor ordered. We spend half an hour talking work, sharing war stories and we left her to wallow in self pity for the entire day before she started night shifts! 

Getting drunk and paralytic happens to the best of us at times, even the police. When not in uniform we are all just normal people making the same stupid mistakes as everyone else! I won't hold it against her when our paths cross professionally. I will however, mock her unreservedly!

Don't forget, nominations are now open for the MAD Blog Awards 2014. Please go and nominate me by clicking HERE. Just add my URL to the categories I'm eligible for! (Best Writer & Most Entertaining) Thank you! 


  1. Great blog, didn't know wether to laugh or be angry at those who should know better, however great pic of girl pavemented made it brill lol, good luck and thanks for all u do for us lesser mortals

  2. I do love it when you get to treat a colleague from another service (assuming they aren't too sick), I remember giving an off duty police officer a substantial amount of morphine - cheered him up

  3. Had to take my own muppet to the hospital whilst holidaying. Admittedly, the limb was at a bit of a funny angle, and as awesome as paramedic as I like to think I am, I don't have x-ray vision. So, off we went.
    What I hadn't realized when I just grabbed the nearest warm thing to throw over the top, I grabbed one of those Voo/Noc hoodies from facebook.
    I may have been hungover and not realized, but the triage nurse did. Answering the questions as quickly as I did didn't help either.
    "So, ED nurse or paramedic?"
    Damn, sprung.
    On the plus side, it did make that little trip to ED for an x-ray and some plaster much smoother than it normally is. Even if I did have to tell the baby doctor (only a few weeks out), how to put a sling on, and how to plaster someone in such a way it doesn't get everywhere (he was asking me! I was trying hard to be the perfect family member and not say anything!)

  4. Outrageous, this kind of behaviour deserves punishment.... Krispy Kremes fine me thinks for her relief and for the LAS crew the following night

  5. Oh I know how she feels..... My drink always seems to get spiked every time I go out.... I've been sooo unlucky .... But always get myself home.... With assistance 😊.

  6. Now now. Haters gonna hate. Let them hate. Clearly the troll is a neanderthal. Let them crawl back under the rock they came from.


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