Friday 21 June 2013

Keep On Running

"22 year old male, severe pain in legs, unable to stand"

To say I was sceptical would be an understatement. 22 year olds, generally speaking, don't spontaneously lose the ability to walk. 82? Maybe. 22? Not a chance. There was no other information to go on so we'd have to wait until we arrived to in what critical condition the invalid was in. My crew mate was less than impressed with the presenting complaint. He had run the London Marathon the day before but had forgotten to book annual leave. His legs hurt but he'd dragged himself into work knowing there was a distinct possibility his tired legs would have to carry people down stairs. He was however, content in the knowledge that this patient would not be carried anywhere!

We arrived in middle class suburbia, new build after new build, mid range hatchbacks on every drive way and headed to the front door. A woman opened the door. She pointed up the stair case in quite an abrasive manor. 

"He's up there." she said.

Up we went. My crew mate didn't seem overly impressed at having to negotiate 13 stairs! One door on the landing was open so that's where I headed. Lying on the bed, topless and wearing just his boxers was our patient. He had a pained expression on his face like he was in a Greek tragedy. I wasn't buying it.

"Hello Sir, what's the problem today?"

"The pain, the pain in my legs is just too much, I can't even stand."

"Where exactly is the pain?"

"All over."

"And what pain killers have you taken?"



"And why not?"

"Because the pain is too much, they won't help."

"Is this a new pain today? What's caused it?"

"I woke up with it."

"And have you done anything that could have caused it?"

"Yeah, I ran the marathon yesterday."

*Double Facepalm*

I stepped back and allowed my crew mate to take over. Not because I had nothing to say, but he had much more to say!

"I ran the marathon yesterday, and I'm at work today. You ran 26 miles. Your legs will hurt. Take anti-inflammatories, take pain killers, have a massage! Pain is normal!"

He really was getting quite animated! I was loving it. The patients mum appeared in the door. I assume she'd been listening in!

"I told you. I told you not to waste their time. When will you grow up and start acting like an adult?"

YEAH! What she said!

"So, what do you want to do today?"

"Erm....go to hospital." he said in the most sarcastic of voices.

"You don't need to go to hospital. They will tell you that you have just run a marathon and should go and take pain killers."

"You lot are all the same. Just lazy. That's what the last ambulance said to me. You're idiots man."

"You've already had an ambulance today?"

"Yeah, about an hour ago" his mum said.

*Triple facepalm*



  1. For goodness sake! When are they going to change the system so people can't keep doing this? What on earth do people think an emergency is? I really don't get it. I'd say there needed to be some serious public education, but it wouldn't make a difference would it? There would still be dumbarses that thought their sore little trotters deserved an EMERGENCY ambulance. Bah!

  2. Charge them, charge them, charge them!

    The problem is, we'll never do it, because they'll say it would put off a reasonable person in a genuine emergency.

    Perhaps 999 should entail an immediate £150 charge on your next phone bill. If it turns out you genuinely needed a police response, the section skipper signs off a form and you get the money back. If you genuinely needed urgent medical treatment, the Registrar at A&E signs it off, if you house IS on fire....etc?

    *sigh* if only!

  3. We need more hands to provide more palms........

  4. i am literally open mouthed.

  5. Shoot him and bill the family for the price of the bullet?

  6. Euthanasia! It is the only answer for these mouth-breathers!

    Did the ivory tower not notice that he'd had another ambulance for this?

  7. What in the actual fuck? I can't work out what makes people think like this. It's alien to me. Last year I became very ill one night and we had to call an ambulance (it turned out that I needed an emergency blood transfusion as I was close to organ failure) but even then I fretted that we were wasting the time of the ambulance service. So I just cannot imagine messing the service about as this guy has clearly done. It's astounding. I really do not know how how you lot stay sane. You'd have had to have pulled me off him.

  8. I've got a mid range hatchback but thank goodness I don't live in a new build! Lol, no comment on the numpty with the legs!

  9. Hey, at least he ran the marathon. That's more than most of our patients will run in their entire lifetimes. :-)

  10. Holy he!! Take his ass to the hospital let him wait it out in the waiting room. You know that's where they are going to send him. To triage then straight to the waiting room.

  11. Totally enjoyed reading this. I thought maybe the kid had sat on the toliet long enough for his legs to fall asleep or something. Love those 3a.m. calls for a toothache... the shit we put up with.

  12. Take him to the busiest A&E you can think of. An 8 hour wait on an uncomfortable chair might help him to think a bit harder next time!

  13. There should be an offence for 'wasting NHS time' just as there is for the Police. Surely based on evidence like this people should be held to account.


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