Tuesday 7 May 2013

Handle With Care

"34 year old male, chest pain"

As far as night shifts go, this was a particularly gruelling one. No break, no food, crap weather, extra tired, rude patients and a headache! It was time for the last job and for once we got it relatively quickly! To me, a 34 year old male with chest pain is a simple job (in general). He's unlikely to be ill and will probably go to hospital and probably won't need carrying. It had all the makings of the perfect off job!

We were due to finish at 06:15 so arriving on scene at 05:30 gave us 45
minutes to do our thing! Bags in hand I mustered my energy to drag myself down the path and up to the front door. I rang the bell and gave a loud knock on the door.......


I knock again, this time louder and held the bell on for an irritating length of time.


I shouted through the letter box, knocked on the door, windows and rang the bell repeatedly.


"Red base, can you give this patient a ring back, there is no answer at the door."

"Rog, stand by."

A few seconds later we could hear the phone ring.....and ring.....and ring.....and ring some more!


"No answer so we are treating this a collapsed behind closed doors, have requested police to force entry."

There goes finishing on time! When the police eventually arrive (I'm not complaining!) it was 06:30! We exchanged some banter about delays and how tired we all looked and wondered up to the front door. One of the coppers came with us while the other was getting the Big Red Key from the boot. The copper gave the door a knock.....


He then tried the handle and door swung open to reveal our patient lying on the sofa snoring. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole! I was mortified! I tried to lie and say I'd tried the handle but was quickly told to stop lying and admit that I was a numpty! Everyone had a laugh at my expense, jokes were made and re-enactments were done! My face was redder than the Enforcer!

We may have been late off by every embarrassing cloud has a silver lining. Our patient woke up or was woken up, and decided to become abusive! He called us c**ts for taking so long that he fell asleep and then told us to 'get the f**king pigs' out of his house. Obviously the police didn't appreciate this, so when he got up off his sofa and squared up to one of them it ended with him being bundled to the floor, put in handcuffs and taken away in a van!

For me, I needed to clean the egg of my face, cover up the rosie cheeks and find away to a) restore my pride and b) convince my crew mate not to tell anyone else! I failed miserably on both counts! The banter continues......


  1. Oh dear, still, hopefully that particular patient will think twice before he wastes your time again... Silver linings and all that ;)

  2. We all have T-shirt..

  3. Excellent story, know the feeling!

  4. Don't worry about it! I'm sure you won't make the same mistake again!
    On a side note, you know you've REALLY c*cked up when you're halfway through redesigning the front door with the big red key and a face appears through the window you've just created, asking "What the bloody hell's going on?!!!"

    Not that I'd know what that feels like of course! Whoops!

  5. Thing is though - if you had tried the door handle and got in it sounds like he was the type of idiot to then kick up a fuss about illegal entry or something. You were damned if you did and damned if you didnt. (and will never ever not try a door again lol)

  6. First Rule of MOE - check the door.
    Second Rule of MOE - check other entry points.
    Nothing worse than putting in the door with the big red key only to stand in the hallway with the back door opposite standing wide open (and smiling!)


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