Friday, 17 August 2012

Trolls

"A faceless nobody embarrassing themselves"


Troll: A troll is someone who posts inflammatory, extraneous, or off-topic messages in an online community, such as a forum, chat room, or blog, with the primary intent of provoking readers into an emotional response or of otherwise disrupting normal on-topic discussion. The noun troll may refer to the provocative message itself, as in: "That was an excellent troll you posted."


I've had a few weeks off blogging, not because I was fed up or had nothing to write about, but because I was a) being a slave to the wage and b) enjoying the Olympics! I had planned to start writing again next week but a visit from a regular troll made me cut my sabbatical early! A few weeks ago I posted a blog called 'Sick Note'. I received plenty of positive comments and that was where my blog was left. That was until last night. At 18:18 Anonymous reared their ugly head and left the following comment:

"ah at last. im so pleased to see youve taken the hint and stopped writing you're pathetic blog. Youll never be respected, lets just hope you stay away. Its as if you're soul purpose has been to anoy me. Your a nobody, I hate your writing style and your tweets. I know who you are. dont forget that. I bet you wine about be being annonymous to! As for you're little crew of followers, they dont bother me. there are people who have earnt my respect with professionalism and talent not by writing utter rubbish. stay away and dont bother coming back. You wont be missed.

Always hear to ruin your day

Annonymous"

I suspect it is the same person who often pops up and has a dig, hands out an insult, says I'm unprofessional and tells me I can't write. It appears they missed me! Bless! Sometimes I reply, sometimes I don't. More often than not, you lot say all that is needed to be said and for that, I thank you! This time however, I decided to reward said troll with their very own post to get their teeth in to. So, without further ado, here is my response to anonymous:


Dear Anonymous,


I must start with telling you how much I have missed you, it's been at least a month since you came onto my website that you cannot stay away from. Oh how I have missed your banter, your eloquent tongue and sublime use of the English language. My last blog just didn't feel complete without your bitter, uneducated waffling. Before I dissect the content of your well thought out and superbly executed comment just a few things to help you with your next trolling experience.

"Ah (capital letter to start a sentence) at last. I'm (capital letter to start a sentence / apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'I am') so pleased to see you've (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'you have') taken the hint and stopped writing you're (It's 'your', not 'you're') pathetic blog. You'll (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'you will') never be respected, let's (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'let us') just hope you stay away. It's (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'it is') as if you're (It's 'your' not 'you're') soul (it's 'sole' not 'soul') purpose has been to anoy (annoy) me. You're (It's 'you're, not 'your') a nobody, I hate your writing style and your tweets. I know who you are. Don't (capital letter to start a sentence / apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') forget that. I bet you wine (it's 'whine', not 'wine') about be (I think you mean 'me') being annonymous  (it's anonymous) to! As for you're (It's 'your' not 'you're') little crew of followers, they don't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') bother me. There (capital letter to start a sentence) are people who have earnt (it's 'earned' not 'earnt') my respect with professionalism and talent, (use a comma for a break in the sentence) not by writing utter rubbish. Stay (capital letter to start a sentence) away and don't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'do not') bother coming back. You won't (apostrophe as you are abbreviating 'will not') be missed.

Always hear (it's 'here', not 'hear') to ruin your day (sloppy grammar, that is an incomplete sentence)

Annonymous (it's Anonymous)"


It would be unfair of me to criticise and condemn without first offering you some help. Below are a list of links to websites to assist you with your future learning and use of the Queen's English. Hopefully you can find the time to do an evening class or enter a spelling Bee. You may learn how to use grammar and structure a sentence properly. I'm only pointing out these glaring errors as I would love you to become a good writer. Then, and only then, will I take your critique seriously. Until then, I will smile and feel all warm inside, because we all know you are green with envy.
Now, the content. As you can see, no hint has been taken. I am still here, writing away and this time with you in mind. You should be so pleased. You can continue trolling to your (see how I spelt your! Lol) heart's content. Sadly, you are of the impression I am writing to gain respect. Wrong! I write for me and anyone who wants to read it. I find it therapeutic (big word I know). In fact, while I am writing this, I am smiling! How cool is that?! You made me smile! I write from the soul (see what I did there!) simply to annoy you. When I go to a job that upsets me or troubles me I think to myself 'Right, better get this typed up for my old pal Troll'. You inspire me, you really do. I hope you feel an inner sense of pride on reading that. You are making a difference. You were also correct about me whining about you being anonymous. The incorrect spelling of your name aside, I don't care who you are, I just think hiding behind anonymity out of malice is completely different to hiding behind anonymity for professional reasons. That argument however is for another day, for now though, just remember: A N O N Y M O U S. Write it out a few times, maybe it will stick. Here's hoping eh?! 

I hope you enjoy this utter rubbish I'm writing, you seem to hang on my every word and for someone who hates me and my writing so much, you appear to read it a lot! I wonder how many of last month's 50,000 website hits were you?! 10, 20, 50?! Please tell me, I'm dying to know. Even if it is 1000, which I hope it is, I suppose we will have to blame my crew for the other 49,000. Bummer.

As for knowing who I am, that's not fair, because I don't know who you are. Give me a clue, please. It's only fair. How can we have an open and honest relationship if you are intent on keeping such secrets?! Please play nice, you show me yours and I'll show you mine. Promise. I just want to get to know you. I want to know what you do. Are you an ambulance junkie, do you pretend to be something you are not, do you try and strike an allegiance with people you think are the most popular? I have so many questions for you. We should do coffee! Yes! Or lunch? Or, dinner and a show! How cool would that be?! Let me know what you fancy!

Anyway, as you can see I have not stayed away, I have come back and that is all because of you. Thank you, thank you, thank you! I missed this little playful interaction we have. You're such a tease! You really have made my day!

Thank you again, your adoring fan, hugs and kisses with lots of love,

Ella xxx

PS: Call me ;-) x

I hate trolls. I hate everything about them. I think they are scum to put it mildly, but they are part of life. I know doing a post dedicated to Anonymous is kind of taking the bait and normally that is what they thrive off, but it's fun to play with them. Anyone, who's sole purpose is to try and cause upset and distress to others for their own entertainment is sad. It's pathetic, they are lonely, have no joy in their life and just want to bring others down to their level. I for one won't allow it. The more I'm trolled, the more I will write. The more abuse I get, the more I will smile. They will not win, they will not get what they want. Repeatedly they will be shown up to be the bottom-feeding gutter snipes they really are. Neanderthal would be a compliment to these cretinous individuals, I hope none of you ever listen to a word they say.

So, what do we all think? Please tell me! Share your trolling experience! Are you a troll? If you are, here is your forum to say why you're a hater. Have you been trolled? Join the debate. They all need to be pointed at, laughed at and stamped on at every given opportunity. That's what I think anyway!

Good to be back! 

103 comments:

  1. Brilliant response, it's great to see someone turn the attack back on these cowardly little nobodies.

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  2. Brilliant!!!

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  3. Great stuff. it would be quiet different if you were receiving negative objective criticism in a forum designed for that purpose.... Do blog critics exist?

    I think trolling exists in the cyberworld in the same way bullying exists in the real world. The differenence is that bullies at least have to have the courage to make a stand in front of you.

    I presume that by "knowing who you are" and yet choosing not to disclose to you who they are, the feel even less adequacy than a real world bully.

    All bullying stems from personal inadequecy.

    Personally love the fact that you choose to empty the little box at the back of your mind that all of us involved in human tragedy have by writing your blog. I love it because I enjoy reading it, I love feeling a part of your therapy and it provides therapy for me.

    My only hope, as a caring sort of person, is that anonymous finds therapy somewhere in order to deal with his own demons.

    Cheers Ella

    Martin

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    1. Thanks Martin! You are right, just faceless bullies, the lot of them!

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  4. Go Ella!! :) I'm so glad you pointed out all of the spelling, punctuation and grammar errors as reading it was horrendous! Come on Troll, write back ;)

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    1. I'm hoping they respond! Thank you!

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  5. Fantastic response, just what they deserved and so much more than they are worth. Well done Ella and keep on keeping on! :-)

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  6. I think you meant Queen's English (possessive, belonging to The Queen, rather than many Queens who are English)

    A.Smartarse

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    1. Haha! Gotta love a smartarse! ;-)
      This blog is awesome! As usual, it is well written, funny and from the heart. It has literally made me laugh out loud. Your blog never fails to amuse/interest/move me and it has opened my eyes to a world I never thought I'd see. At times you say things that challenge the way I see things, sometimes I completely disagree with you about stuff and sometimes, just sometimes, you ruffle my feathers (yes, I know! I still haven't left a comment on your RHCP post *slaps own wrists*)! Isn't it that though - the opening up of debate and conversation, providing insight, somewhere to reflect - that blogging is all about? Not personal attacks by people who have nothing better to do?!
      It's a shame that 'Anonnymous' (see what I did there?) has poor comprehension skills as you are very clear about the purpose of your blog. Perhaps if he/she worked on that then he/she would understand the therapeutic nature of your blog.
      What I can't understand is why someone who doesn't like your blog chooses to return time and time again to it. This seems illogical to me. I live by the phrase "if you haven't got anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". What is the point of just being mean*?
      I'm glad you chose to reply in this way. I'm not sure I would have been as self-controlled as you have! The grammatical and spelling errors in the trolls post and reply are quite unbelievable.
      Looking forward to reading more of your blogs!
      Lots of love,
      AB xx

      *by mean, I mean what is the point in behaving like an assssshoooole (to be pronounced like the baby in Little Fockers)

      PS If the troll never takes you up on the offer of dinner and a show, pretty please will you take me instead? #lezzalust ;-)

      PPS I too am a smartarse - you missed one of the trolls mistakes. Yes, there is in fact one more... *ducks out of the way of your right hook* :-P

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    2. Well thank you ABCD! You speak many a wise word! Trust you to turn this to #lezzalust ;-) minx!

      Erm...what mistake did I miss, I must know! Smartarse! X

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    3. My pleasure! And OF COURSE I turned this to #lezzalust... the minx in me had to! Although I'm slightly disappointed that you haven't agreed to take me out instead *sticks bottom lip out* ;-)

      On to the missed error then... I'm kicking you for it already so no need to kick yourself: "I bet you wine about be being annonymous TO" This should be 'too' :-P xx

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    4. Haha! Dammit! I will edit shortly!

      Also, I want that RHCP reply! I insist!

      I'm always game for lezzalust! Just say where and when! ;-)

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    5. I have commented on the RHCP blog... it's weak I'm afraid. I'm all discombobulated by it :/

      Would your place, tonight be too brazen? ;-)

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    6. Haha! Will go and read you discombobulated mess of a woman!

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  7. Hey Ella, I have missed your writing! Please do not bother with such idiots, they are pathetic and miserable, hiding behind their screens because they cannot express their little frustrations otherwise! Keep on going, keep on writing!

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  8. You made me smile with this :-)

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  9. Thank goodness you are back, you were missed! I've not been trolled but was stalked online by my ex, that was bad enough! Keep blogging please, you are informative and witty and it's good to get an insight into what you put up with. Stuff the trolls!!

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  10. Nice to see a cathartic response to such fools, nicely handled :)

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  11. great retort and well written, always cheers me to see you writing happy, with a wink and one finger up in the air babe ;)

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    1. Haha! Love it! Glad to make you smile! x

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  12. Love the reply Ella... :-D

    Maybe the troll is a jealous Ambulance Orificer?

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  13. Nice one Ella , keep up the good work . :-)

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  14. Well done Ella - maybe you should suggest your troll reads "Eats, shoots and leaves" as well.

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  15. Grammar lesson....I think I love you!
    Sisterhood of the Traveling Trolls....thanks so much for giving a great response!

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  16. Oh Ella this has made me smile after a long hard day ....thank you soon:-)

    Oh and thank the lord you pointed out the mistakes ....they drove me insane whilst reading it

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  17. Nicely done! When an inbred jerk sent me an insulting message on Facebook which was entirely devoid of punctuation and such a bastardisation of the English language it made me want to weep, I too sent him a list of corrections. Ooh, that's got to burn!

    Two words - IP Tracker! I have a widget on my blog by Intense Debate and for every comment on my blog, I get sent a message with (amongst other things) the poster's IP address. Then, should I need to, I can track down the poster's ISP and all sorts....which would be handy information if one needed to report a persistent, troubling troll ;)

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    1. Ah excellent! Thanks food for thought! Thank you!

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  18. Firstly, it is fantastic to have you back!
    Secondly, I did the same as you when reading the Troll's writing, I corrected the majority of their mistakes. I didn't bother reading it again until I looked at your response.
    You go girl!

    Keep up the fantastic work.
    PS: The Olympics were amazing, I had a great opportunity to first aid at two of the events and loved every minute!

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    1. Thank you! It was very irritating!

      Excellent! Glad you enjoyed it!

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  19. heres an idea. go fuck yourself. do you think I give a crap what you or your pathetic readers think. no. your blog is still shit. nothing will change that.

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    1. Awwwww hey you!

      If I let these errors slip, you'll never learn. So, the key points to remember.
      -Start sentences with a capital letter
      -If you are asking a question, don't forget to use a question mark. It looks like this.. ?
      -It's poor form to answer your own rhetorical question

      What saddens me is that you didn't respond to my offer of dinner and a show. I really thought we had something special. If you change your mind let me know. Did you sign up to any classes like I suggested? I only ask because it appears you have used the correct 'your' so at least there is evidence of progress. You are now one step closer to becoming that literary great I know you can be.

      Anyway, I must go, I've got loads of blogs to write. After all, I need to do something to take my mind off your apparent rejection. *sobs*

      See you on the next one, lots of love, hugs and kisses,

      Ella x

      PS: You really are such a tease ;)

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    2. It's 'Here's' not 'heres'. It's 'Go fuck yourself' (proper capitalization is so important, sweetie), and there should always be a space between the full-stop at the end of a sentence and the beginning of the next sentence.

      Moving swiftly onwards, not only does the next sentence, which amounts to a question, have no capitalization at the beginning (naughty, naughty!!) but you've also missed out a question mark at the end. If you don't know what that is, it's the symbol that looks a bit like a worm: '?'.

      Again, the lack of capitalization goes on............

      D-, sweetie. Now run along and try out your quasi-literate trollery on those that might be susceptible.

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    3. Hahahahaha! Unkown......I love you! 'Quasi-literate trolley'!! Epic! Mwah! x

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    4. "Beholdz I am teh anymouse and I sez u r teh sukorz"

      Seriously, that's what you sound like.

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    5. Hahaha 'yougetz me bruvz innit'

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  20. Good post. I'm involved in a battle with some trolls who infect the Amazon book forums and they're an incredible bunch. The thing there is that they actually mob up and go on the attack! It's quite amazing.

    The best way to deal with them, the best way to deal with all bullies, is head on. Front them up, call them to account and expose them for the cowards they are. Which from the look of it, is exactly what you're doing.

    Top bird! Keep up the good work. (and thanks for being on the ambulances. You're all legends and the country would be badly off without you!)

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    1. Thank you! The first few times, i'll admit, they wound me up. Now, I look forward to them!

      Thank you x

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    2. SeeYouAtTheFront20 October 2012 at 10:39

      I know I'm in WAY after the fact, but I've had a similar experience on Amazon - apparently leaving a legitimate review panning a poorly-written book means I MUST be a troll, or another author with sour grapes. After having a bunch of people deride my review (which was, until recently the ONLY review of the book) and tell me that the book was actually fantastic, I just didn't know what I was talking about (hmm, why weren't there reviews to that effect, then?), I found out that the author had apparently gone into the forums, whined about my review, and a bunch of his little cronies went on the warpath together. Unfortunately, this author has multiple "how-to" books on photography "published" in Kindle form... though it does make me laugh that the summaries for each are basically the same, just copy-pasted and with a few words changed to suit the specific title. When they show up as freebies periodically, I'm ALMOST tempted to snag one and see if they're as insulting to the target audience as the one I reviewed.

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  21. I cannot see past the atrocious spelling and grammar, literally made me 'lol'.
    Maybe they secretly have a crush on you ;) only explanation for it!

    Keep up the good work we all love your blogs :)

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    1. Wasn't it amazing! That's what I reckon! I did off dinner and now I feel rejected!

      Thank you! :-) xx

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  22. Hi, first time reader drawn here from Twitter. Awesome response! Seriously though, Trolls, learn to damn well spell! FFS!

    Going to check out some of your other blogs now.

    Only anonymous because I don't have an account.

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  23. Thanks for reading!

    The only time I have a problem with anonymity is when it's used to be malicious!

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  24. Haha Ella, I loved your second response to the troll!!!!! Hilarious!! Keep up the great work x Tahni

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  25. So glad you are back I've missed your blogs. Very proud of your attitude towards the trolls. I like how you try to educate them but fear they may be of too low an intelligence to help much. Don't give up though miracles do happen! I might try to apply your way of thinking to the bullies in my life. Thank you for the inspiration.

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    1. Bless ya! My pleasure! Thank you! X

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  26. Class!!! I love reading your blogg! It's true to life and having been there and got the T-shirt I relate totally!

    I never understand why if someone doesn't like something then why read it?! If you don't agree, say you don't agree, but say your reasons, surely understanding another's point of view is better than mearly dismissing something.

    It just proves there are certain things you can never change. Life, death and the ability of some people to be utter *******.

    Keep blogging :0) x

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    1. Thank you! Really appreciate it! X

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  27. Well done Ella, it should be interesting to see if the loveless Troll can string a properly sentence together some time this century. I am too scared to check my spelling and grammar now. X

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    1. I won't be holding my breath!! ;-)

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  28. Oh yeah, sorry for my spelling/grammar *hangs head in shame*

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  29. Replies
    1. In fact I should add;

      Keep up the blogging. It's always interesting and entertaining to read. Especially if trolls reply!!

      K x

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  30. Troll if you don't like the blog then foxtrot Oscar . Coward

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    1. They were my sentiments! But now I don't know what I'd do without them!

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  31. Ella Ella Ella! There are not enough words to say how fantastic your blog is. Simply inspiring. You should be very proud

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  32. As someone who also dedicated a post to a persistent troll, I'm on the side of not so much not feeding them as using them as blog fodder to take the piss out of. I have just this week asked whether anonymous comments should be outright banned on blogs, but actually the more I think about it, some of them are just too funny not to post and reply to.

    I enjoy your blog, its something different, I know of a fair few people who work in the NHS and often pass the link on as its something I've enjoyed. Trolls suck but the nameless one's are just pathetic, obsessive losers, and frankly it's them I feel sorry for- go out and get some sunshine Anonymous one!

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    1. They are indeed blog fodder! I don't have a problem with anonymity unless it's used to hide behind to be nasty!

      I wouldn't want to turn away the many positive anonymous comments that get.

      Thank you for the lovely comment x

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  33. Love it! Don't ever stop writing !!!!

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  34. Yeah glad you are back, as always brilliant :)

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  35. Brilliant! Exactly my attitude to these idiots...made me smile imagining the glee of writing this response! I love your blog, keep up the great work!!!
    Poshkatt

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    1. There was indeed plenty of glee on my face! Thank you :-) x

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  36. Brightened up my night shift! Don't let it spoil anything! I believe in Kama.... One day little trolls get there dues.

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    1. Glad I could help! Karma does indeed come back to bite people in the arse! I'll enjoy watching when it does! Thank you! :-)

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  37. I was about to leave you a message saying if they want to Troll you at least they could spell things correctly and use proper English grammar.

    But what would be the point when you have so superbly shown them up for what they are?!!

    Keep up the good work :-)

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    1. Haha! Thank you!! I look forward to their return!

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  38. Take a bow!! Seriously Ella, hats off to you. Not only does your writing capture the reader, it says everything just how it should be said. Your writing deserves recognition, not remonstration. Well done. Again

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  39. I couldn't have put it better myself! Well said! Loving you blog by the way courtesy of @bookwormmummy. It's brilliant! I'm about Hal way through your archives! :-) keep going!

    J x

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    1. Thank you! Gem is a star! Enjoy! X

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  40. Ella! Brilliant! I really missed your blog so I'm glad you're back! LOVE this post and your response halfway through the comments. Ha! x

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    1. Thank you! I'm away at the moment but normal service will resume shortly! X

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  41. Keep it up sweetie, great blog :-)

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  42. Your such a fucking sad act

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    1. Now now Anonymous. Watch your language! Don't make me send you to the naughty step! We have talked so much lately, I hurts me that you haven't listened to me. It should be 'you're' as in 'you are' such a fucking sad act. On that note you should a sentence with a full stop like I just did. See! Only two mistakes though. Kudos. I know I haven't posted another blog of my own and you must be missing the opportunity to be nasty oh so much. I promise I will post son. Just enjoying a holiday. Wish you were here! Lots of love, hugs and kisses, Ella x

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    2. Actually I think he just missed one letter and a comma out...

      "Yours,
      Such a fucking sad act"

      Makes much better sense

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    3. ROFL Gem!
      I laughed so hard when I saw this from Anonymous and then I read your reply Ella and I thought how kind you are. You really are trying to help Anonymous to understand the rules of correct English, it's just a shame they can't take on your advice and make positive steps towards changing. At least you'll always know you've tried your best.
      Hope you had a lovely holiday - maybe that's what Anonymous needs. Time to just chill out...

      Delete

  43. After reading the post had to check out the comments as knew there was going to be nice bit of banter somewhere along the lines. And was right .funny reading. In terms of my spelling and grammar all i can say that god for the red squiggly lines.

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  44. After reading your post i had to check out the comments as i knew there was going to be explosive banter between the two of you. Witty and subtle sarcastic responses was just what he needed.As far as my spelling and grammar goes thank god for the squiggly red lines.

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I love comments! All bloggers do! If you have something to say, agree or disagree I would love to hear it! I will reply to all! (or try my very best!) If however, you're a troll, save your breath!

Due to an increase in spam I moderate comments but ALL genuine comments will be posted. See above exclusions!