Wednesday 13 June 2012

Unsocial Networking

"Does social networking make you unsocial?!"

This week I read a blog titled 'Are you a secret blogger?' by Big Fashionista. It got me thinking a lot about blogging in general and the social media that surrounds it. The question was about who, in your life as a blogger, really knows what it is exactly you are doing? Obviously, the people closest to you are your family and friends but in terms of your blog, the reality is, they aren't.

When I came into blogging it was all new to me. Social networking consisted of having a stagnant Facebook page with a timeline full of people I went to school with but, in reality, couldn't give a crap what they had to say and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I took the plunge and started my blog with no expectations. After 16 posts in the first month I had reached a measly 212 blog hits, most of which were me. Nothing to write home about, but then again I wasn't really telling people, not because it was private, but I didn't know how. Then I started to understand how Twitter worked and to be honest, everything changed. 

For someone not au fait with computers, Twitter was a strange concept to get around. So... let me get this straight, I tweet, re-tweet and mention and in return I get mentioned? You hashtag things, things trend, you follow people and they follow you? Clicking my first 'follow' button I felt a bit like a stalker to be honest! Anyway, despite my scepticism my blog started to get read; people would talk to me about it, leave comments and engage in conversations and debates. I followed more people and more followed me. Inevitably relationships are formed; you find that you have 'friends' in this online world that know more about you and what you do than your 'real friends'. I have put both of them in inverted commas because I don't really know what context either should be. I suppose it depends on your definition of a friend. I would say I am closer with a number of people on Twitter than I am with people I have known for years and socialise with regularly. Social media and networking is a very powerful machine and for me it has changed my life for the good. That's not saying it is without it's flaws. Twitter and the blogging community can still be like the school playground; there are bullies, backstabbers and those who just don't like you and will not hold back telling you so. There are trolls who will always leave negative comments no matter what you write. There are those who think they know best and have a right to try and belittle what you write. It is no different to every aspect of life, except, like many of your online friends, they to have no face and can hide behind that. Luckily these people are in the minority and if anything it spurred me on!

My blog is now a huge part of me. It is my hobby, my place to vent frustrations and share my troubles at work. Writing is almost like a second job! It is no different to me playing two rounds of golf a week, spending hours in a pub or sitting motionless watching all the soaps on the box. It is something I am immensely proud of and take great pleasure in writing, so why is it that my friends away from Twitter and work take no interest? If I was doing something that was on TV I have no doubt they would want to know more. Instead, I am writing and talking about my writing to people who do care. People I have never met, yet people who ask how I am and genuinely seem to want to hear the answer. As these people are the ones I connect with, it is these people I spend my time talking to. Unfortunately, that isn't done by have a traditional conversation sitting in a pub or a coffee shop. There are no lunches, dinners or regular social gatherings. It is all online and in a world of smart phones it is done at the end of your fingertips. Many a message, email and tweet is shared, many a comment left and it is all very engaging but not so much for the family and friends watching you do it. I have often been accused of always being 'attached to that bloody phone'!

If you are to believe the Daily Mail article, using iPhones and iPads make us bad parents. In fact, overuse is verging on neglect and a culture of 'passive parenting' has engulfed our society. Like everything, it's about finding a balance. It's also well worth ignoring everything that the Daily Mail says! One thing I can relate to though was in an article about withdrawal symptoms from smart phone. I do find myself strangely addicted to my phone. The 'phantom vibrations' they talk of are something I have experienced and it really does show the reliance I have on my phone. Could I go 24 hours without checking my phone?! No, probably not, but when asked that, I thought, 'could they go 24 hours without doing their hobbies and talking to their friends?! It's all about what is deemed to be socially acceptable. If I spent all the time that I blog and talk on my phone running, going to the gym or playing Xbox no one would batter an eyelid. My housemate says he might as well have a conversation with the back of my laptop and in general, the excessive use of my phone or laptop annoys people. What I don't understand is from the moment I open my laptop at no point does he engage in conversation with me, yet I am the unsociable one? Is it still the mid-90's stigma of computer geeks and 'dotcoms' that people don't understand? If people talk to me I talk back! I find it hard not to reply to messages though, not to check my emails and maybe that is something I should learn to do better.

Where is the line drawn between your social life and your online social life? Does being sociable online make you unsociable offline? Does being unsociable online make you more sociable offline? I don't really know, but as a blogger, I don't think I'm alone in saying when I am not blogging or am away from my computer or phone I miss it. I either want to write, promote my blog or chat to people in the blogosphere. It is after all something I have watched grow from scratch to what it is now. Can social networking exist alongside a fully functioning, full time, working family and social life or will there always be detesters to the online world? 15 years ago I would have probably said they can't but it's 2012. Having online friends is much more socially acceptable and year on year the two worlds are edging ever closer to being one.

Thoughts on a postcard please......

23 comments:

  1. Myspace had me hooked from the get go in 2005. I blogged, reviewed, tinkered, commented (a bit)but mainly I loved being on MY profile. As an only child if I had had Myspace or FB my life would have been so much nicer. What the internet does is give you a chance to reflect a better version of yourself back to you. When your RL friends know you're always skint, or having man trouble, or rent trouble, the internet gives you a place where only your best angles are shown. The things that you care about, that RL people think should take second place to your real problems can still be explored and celebrated. There are so many platforms to express every side of you. A humour blog for the pathetically funny, a mummy blog for that cozy homely side, a beauty blog for the shallow side, twitter is where they all come together, and I love meeting new people and finding out what they all read and like. Obviously we'll all end up staring into screens, alone, but united. Noone can say there won't be primary sources of every day life in the 2nd millenium though. I love it. Love this blog too x

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for your comment! Ah so i'm not alone! Clearly though you have been involved for much longer than me! I'm not even a year in, maybe i'll get better at not starring at my phone and feeling phantom vibrations!!! I love it to! Sod em'!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I've only been blogging independently for this year, earnestly. It's time consuming and leaves you open to a whole new route of rejection you hadn't experienced before, but is addictive and I can't imagine life without it now. You're doing asmazingly. Love the new look

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I just read your top tips for bloggers and added the google analytics bit! Thanks! I am literally clueless on how to get my blog out there in searches etc!

      Delete
    2. You're in the 'rockstar blogger' category, so you're doing fine..that GA is an essential though.

      Delete
    3. Firstly I don't see that at all, it's just my rants like everyone else's personal blog but I DO appreciate the compliment and blush accordingly! Secondly, the GA thing. I did it, but I have no idea why, what it does or what to do with it now!

      Delete
    4. give it a week and you will be addicted. Those graphs are hypnotic. I had to delete my bookmark to the actual GA site because I was changing the way I wrote to suit what was popular..second guessing myself all the time!

      Delete
    5. So what exactly is it?! I have no idea! I just did it because on your blog it said to!

      Delete
    6. Its like a school progress report for bloggers. It shows you how long people stayed on your blog, how they found it, how you're growing, what the weak spots are.
      It's a tool to help you see whaere youre doing well and where you need to work harder. It's exquisite torture.

      Delete
    7. Excellent! I shall enjoy that!!

      Delete
    8. I think we've proved the point about 'social networking?' Next?

      Delete
  4. I see my twitter 'friends' as modern the equivalent of modern day pen friends. I am told that I can't be friends with people who aren't real, who may have alternative identities and that they are not really real people in my life. What I don't understand is how it is different to my grandma who wrote to a pen friend for the best part of 35 years yet never met her. She considered her to be one of her closest friends and they helped each other through good and bad times. As for living without your phone for 24 hours, I tried it for 48 and got more stick from my family (the ones who complain that I'm never off it) because they couldn't get hold of me! Double standards if ever I saw them! However, last weekend I went on a self imposed twitter ban for two days. I didn't have a motive it was just a spur of the moment decision. I read twitter but didn't post from Thursday evening to Sunday lunchtime. This raised a few questions for me. As a normally prolific tweeter I was suddenly, and without warning, missing off the time line of my 250ish followers, yet only one of them commented. This has made me question whether anyone actually reads my tweets or not, perhaps they only respond to direct tweets? If this is the case, are they really real people who really care? Would they wonder what had happened to me if I disappeared entirely? Would they even notice? Based on my experience I have to conclude that the answers would be no, they wouldn't, they would simply move on to another follower. Having said this I will continue to tweet regularly as I enjoy boring people!!
    WestYorksLoony

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point! I'd like to think a few would. Twitter followers to come and go but I also think that 48 hours isn't a long time to be gone. Give it a week or so and I bet you'll be missed!

      Delete
  5. Great blog! I find usually people don't get twitter (un;ess they are [people I've met on twitter of course) Facebook seems more acceptable, when you say Twitter you get funny looks or people ask about celebrities which I rarely ever follow. I have had moments recently where I've not been able to blog and access Twitter and it made me quite depressed, sounds sad but my best support networks are based there, people who get me, understand how I tick and my blog is how I unwind and also vent out how I am feeling, without all that I was left feeling bereft. I have family who don't get how much time I spend online, but others that do so it's an equal balance for me. I do know though that over the years most of my closest and dearest friends are ones I have met online; people who read me talking how I really am, no holds barred and still like me, that's a true friend, and I have many (some I've met, some I haven't and may never do) that I have knonw 10+ years now and are still important to me. Not many of my so called "real life" friends have such staying power and appeal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jesus...how many typos, god I think you need to sack me rofl

      Delete
    2. Haha! I was just composing a message explaining your incorrect use of ':' & '['!! I'll let you off! I'm guessing you have children clambering all over you whilst typing so that can be your excuse! I agree with all! You are one of the friends I have found! It may be online but still a real friend :-) Mwah! xx

      PS: Now stop leaving comments and get back to editing and fixing my website! STAT!

      Delete
    3. Sorry Boss, won't happen again ;)
      You describe my life with great accuracy, but seriously I should check these things before clicking publish WTF?! Awww cheers babe, friend/editor/slave all interchangeable...

      Delete
  6. This really interests me as it is a continuous internal debate I have. Other half hates the amount of time I spend tweeting/fb etc (which I hasten to say is not that much, I'm not an amazingly prolific tweeter) but mainly because he doesn't do any of it, so inevitably doesn't get it.
    I have an fb closed group for work and find it invaluable for keeping up with the young people I work with ....within the HUGE number of guidelines linked to social media use of course :-)
    On the flip side I also have watched a child try to show their mum something they'd just achieved for the first time and observed the mum grab her phone, photograph it and tweet it to share rather than actually engaging with the child's obvious delight and that made me really sad. Mostly because the child just looked SO disappointed. That acted as quite a good warning to make sure I get the balance right between living life and commenting on my life!
    Think the important thing is that what constitutes a good balance is subjective and also pretty elastic! We'd all (me included) do well to remember that and not be so judgemental about how other people choose to use this stuff!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with everything you have said, but your last point especially so! That is so so true! No one know what life others have away from it all it would be unfair to judge. Like you say good balance is personal and I think everyone needs to be aware of the individual impact it has on their life. The kid thing you said irks me to. I don't share photos of my kid except with close friends but have seen what you are talking about happen. Thanks for reading and thanks for the comment!

      Delete
  7. I'm completely addicted to my iPhone! It's the social networking sites such as twitter that I'm addicted so I've had to buy extra battery life for my iPhone! (you can do this you know) Twitter is completely addictive! And also the blogging!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Interesting idea. I have a twitter account (Ella and I follow each other) I have a personal twitter account and a Facebook account. I've 'met' some good folk on twitter and during the riots in London met up with one. Difficult when you have 2 people using 'anonymous' accounts. And with the security issues of our line of work difficult, but we managed a quick chat in the middle of the chaos.
    I'm off to the Olympics soon and am hoping to meet up with some more 'friends' when I'm down there.
    My OH doesn't do twitter, she isn't convinced with the idea of it all! She has a Facebook account and uses that to talk to people she knows, but I think it's the anonymity of twitter that she doesn't get. Talking to people you don't know and often not even what they are called!
    Yesterday after another discussion on twitter I deleted the twitter app from my iPhone, I do find that I am constantly on there and I suppose that does stop me being sociable offline. But often have more to talk about online than with people I actually see day to day! I will still use twitter, and I will see how I go. But perhaps the constant notifications aren't as sociable as we like to think!
    As for Facebook, personally it's great and I use it to keep in touch with people from the past that have moved away, from a work perspective I would like it to be banned! Haha

    ReplyDelete

I love comments! All bloggers do! If you have something to say, agree or disagree I would love to hear it! I will reply to all! (or try my very best!) If however, you're a troll, save your breath!

Due to an increase in spam I moderate comments but ALL genuine comments will be posted. See above exclusions!