Sunday, 16 October 2011

The Great Tit

"26 year old female, tutting, rolling eyes and sighing"


In the ambulance service, different people attract different types of jobs. Some are trauma magnets, some do babies, some do strokes and some do mental health. I see myself as the 'shit shovel'! Thats not saying I don't have the occasional good job but invariably, on the average night I go to absolute tosh. So, to prove a theory, I wrote down the presenting complaint for every job in a random 12 hour night shift. The calls may not necessarily have been as given but this is what I was sent to.........


1) 24 year old female, Abdo pain, currently on her period, pain is really bad

2) 22 year old male, head injury, ? intoxicated

3) 38 year old female, feels dizzy, has been smoking cannabis

4) 27 year old female, in labour, first child, contractions every 6-7 minutes

5) 42 year old female, Noise in ear, can't sleep

6) 19 year old male, ? fractured wrist, jumped off telephone box

7) 18 year old female, lying on pavement, ? unconscious, ? intoxicated, vomiting

8) 23 year old male, unknown injuries, involved in fight, police on scene, pt. in handcuffs

9) 26 year old female, high temperature, shivering, headache, can't breathe

10) 89 year old female, fall, can't get up, carer on scene


That was my shift, that's why I moan, that was genuinely a shift, as it happened. This is what I want to say to them but I couldn't. If only.....


1) So what, it's your period. Deal with it. Tit.

2) I don't care. If you can't handle your drink, don't drink. Tit.

3) What do you expect. Tit.

4) You've had 9 months to book a taxi or arrange a lift. Why didn't you? Tit.

5) Really? I can't sleep. Go away. The noise in your ear is me saying...Tit.

6) Erm...dont jump off a telephone box. Simple as. What do you expect? Tit.

7) Class. Pure class. See job number 2. Tit.

8) Tit

9) It's a cold. Man up. My temperature is currently higher than yours. Tit.

10) Ah bless ya. You my dear can call us any time. Polite, courteous and thankful. An absolute pleasure. Almost makes the last 9 worth while. Almost.



5 comments:

  1. Still laughing.

    Tit may be my word of the day today

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope it is! I think its a great off the cuff insult!

      Delete
    2. Pleas stop insulting the Tits! But seriously people shaking head lol

      Delete

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